Funny Sayings & Witty Puns

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Teachers One Liner Joke

When do you kick a midget in the balls? When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice Q: What’s the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?

We have made a collection of some of the best funny corny jokes and cheesy one-liners that will interest you and will surely make you laugh out loud.

Need a Quick Laugh? Spread some happiness with these. Entertainism Staff Last Updated: Mar 19, Witty one liners are jokes that are delivered in a single line. They are not only hilarious, but can help send the sarcastic remarks and messages in a light way. If you too are looking for some witty one liners, the following examples will prove to be real rib-ticklers.

Nobody gets out alive anyway”. Then it hit me. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item she doesn’t want. He thought he was God and I didn’t. Either vacant, engaged, or full of crap. Bad girls don’t have the time.

Rules for Dating My Daughter

More specifically, coming up with one of your own. Now, not every website has a space for this. This applies to you.

Truly Tasteless One- Liners. What is the definition of? The chicken or the egg? What is the difference between erotic and kinky? Kinky is using the whole chicken. What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in. They can smell it but they can’t eat it. How do you determine the sex of your computer mouse? I’m only going to do this once. Woman with skirt up run. How are airplanes and women alike?

130+ witty one liners

Well, maybe except really funny short jokes. Reading some good jokes can kick your day off with a laugh and a smile, and why not do just that? To help you we have made a compilation of some of the best of the great jokes and funny one line jokes that we know – on all sorts of topics from short funny jokes to great jokes about countries to dating jokes to jokes about alcohol and much more.

To kick off the page, we present: The Jewish Samurai – In days long past, a Chinese emperor needed a new samurai to be his personal bodyguard. He sent out a message to all the lands summoning the best warriors to his court in three years time.

Anything I wanted to. Ann Bancroft Any husband who says. Bill Cosby I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery. Rita Rudner Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. Benjamin Franklin My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Milton Berle I was married by a judge.

Hilarious One Liner For Self Introduction Quotes

I will definitely fulfill all your dreams. I don’t charge for Suzan Various Areas Hi gents If you wish to be in the company of natural beauties, then here I am Just a click away from She is 25 years old elegant lady with natural 34DD boobs.

Here are some of the most hilarious dating quotes and one liners from the likes of Jerry 36 Really Funny Quotes About Dating Employees make the best. Here are the best pickup lines for online dating. It is your pitch, the way you get a potential partner to notice you and want to start. Good dating site one liners Check your inbox and confirm your subscription now.

I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar. Share On tumblr Share On tumblr. Have you ever been dating anyone, and you think they’re normal, and all of the sudden, they start freaking out on you. How do you good dating site one liners with someone you can’t see. A skeleton walks into goo bar and says, “I’ll have a beer and a mop. Absolutely hillarious flirty one-liners.

Best Funny Relationship Jokes

Funny Ideas for Dating Profiles By: Siva Stephens A prospective match on an online dating website may scroll through hundreds of profiles looking for one that catches the eye, so you want your profile to be a standout. One way to do this is by adding humor to the page. Creating an attention-grabbing entry on a matchmaking site requires the same tools as any successful advertising campaign: You want to draw attention and curiosity so a could-be match will want to read more.

Disclaimer Famous One-Liners There are literally thousands of popular one liners in English and also in other languages. This List of quotes and sayings commonly used in everyday conversational English, can help to speak English like a native speaker by learning English idiomatic expressions and proverbs. Funny One Liners When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list. I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have. Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in. Well, here I am!

Romantic Conversation Starters

This list of pick up line jokes and humor, culled from TV shows, films, stand-up comedy and pop culture might help you add an icebreaker or two to your rotation. These one-liners and humorous anecdotes look at funny pick up lines from a variety of perspectives, and try to find humor in wry observations, through irony and sarcasm, and even just by being silly.

Human beings love to laugh, and being able to notice life’s little absurdities can make even bad days seem a bit cheerier, and help catch the eyes of the ladies or gents! Some of these funny ice breakers and one-liners are designed with that in mind, from amusing little witticisms to obscure references to puns. Others take a more satirical approach and are cheesy ice breaker lines that use hypocrisy and criticism for laughs. No matter what the approach, these sexy come ons will make you laugh and you’ll find breaking the ice with a joke isn’t as tricky as it seems.

I heard there was a sweep stake on the length of the best mans speech. I just went for 35 minutes — so settle in……. No seriously this speech will be a bit like Clive short and not very funny….. But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech. That was a messy one! Well, I do hope that Howard and Mary enjoy their honeymoon in Wales. I am actually a little nervous doing this, but I feel a bit comforted by the fact I have actually rehearsed this speech in front of a live audience at the local old peoples home, … I think it went well,they all peed themselves anyway.

Now this is very slow progress. Scientists have actually created a scale to measure things that move very slowly known as the Sam Davies scale as it based on the time it has taken him to make an honest woman of Sam! In fact this must be the third time today that I have stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.

15 Funny One Year Anniversary Quotes

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. A closed mouth gathers no foot. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. I need to start paying closer attention to stuff. Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat. By all means marry. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. Benjamin Franklin My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. I bought my wife a new car.

Stewart Francis – One Liners


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